things I left out

not blogging for the past 20+ days before February ends is , seriously my mistake.

 

This post is just like a diary to express the way I felt , during FEBRUARY.

To be honest,

I feel.

O L D

Old. really!!!

Because likewise the saying that TIME FLIES, I finally get to understand and actually feel time blew past away me like a rocketeer, I felt that there are so many things ive been neglecting and I just let things pass by … without holding onto it

It’s like ive been on earth for like these 17 years and …. I havent been enjoying my childhood days running like mad on the field or playing hide and seek . I don’t think I was THAT kind of mischievious child who puts glue on teacher’s chair.

But I do remember being naïve and believing that the sky is falling pretty soon and unicorns do exist in magical gardens. I once believed in Alice in Wonderland and I tried eating 7 kinds of bread just to make sure I shrink like Alice in the book.

I do remember the days when I watch Disney princesses movies and mickey mouse. My childhood stories are mostly from Enid Blyton and I still know that the dark terrorizes me as a child and now I don’t think that the dark is the scariest thing in the world.

There’s a saying that the little monsters that we once afraid hiding under our beds are becoming into part of us as we grew up. I lost my sense of humor when I reached puberty and reality begin to hit me when I first experienced the feeling of being betrayed. I started being a cynic when fairies don’t ever come to help me overcome my problems.

Fairydusts don’t make you fly.

There wont be leprechauns , there arent gnomes or any pixies. But I knew they once gave some sparks when I was young.

I never felt that I really enjoyed or sink myself into the atmosphere where everything is possible when I was a child. The 17 year old now, for me misses flying kites, and misses the nursery rhymes that you don’t need to memorize to make you sing so easily. I miss the days when my size of clothes arent as big as the numbers we had on the price tags.

The me now is hypothetically broken.

I don’t know where I belong. I don’t even believe in things such as magic. 10 years back, I believed in magic and … I wished that I could believe as much as I can but , … I am 17 now.

There aint no turning backs. The thing I know now is , I shouldn’t be crying what I should do now is to win this battle and move on , I need to plan things in the future. The world tomorrow , wont be like ABC or as easy as the equations, it wont be fully arranged by our parents or anything done for you, what I have to do is to decide and make decisions.

A wise person once told me that life is about making decisions. Which way you decide might lead you to other ways that maybe, take you to heaven, or it might as well drag you to hell.

It’s like the world had opened so many doors for you, all you have to do is to choose the right door to take you to YOUR destination . If it doesn’t, you just have to find yourself a path to take you back. But remember not to lost yourself.

That’s what I am now, lost.

I know I am not like the shining child I was 10 years ago. Piano and everything, … but now , im all left with these pair of hands and an igniting flame deep down my heart’s core.

It all started… when I saw a pixie and she sprinkled fairy dust on me and gave me,

faith.